We’ve all been there. Staring in the face of a major life decision. The neck tenses, the hands tighten as stress builds. Something inside tugs at you. And you know a choice must be made.
Choices can be frustrating and even scary. The more important the decision, the more difficult the decision is.
A few years ago, I was at a crossroads in my life. I wanted to make a change, but was uncertain as to how to proceed.
Fear, doubt, indecision. What if I made the wrong choice. I had been living in a spiritual community for several years. And had learned a lot there. I had started my first study of Kabbalah, and some rather deep esoteric training (which was deep to me at the time).
Though I loved the people there, I was feeling that this was no longer the lifestyle I wanted. I needed to get back into the world, and see what I could learn and maybe create.
For me it was a secluded life, like living in a monastery. This gave me plenty of time to reflect and to study. My concerns about leaving were that I didn’t want to hurt the feelings of the people I had been living with. I also worried they would judge me for leaving.
And isn’t that the way we approach all indecision?
We have doubts, and worry about others people’s thoughts and opinions of us. We’re afraid to make the wrong choice. Perhaps because of fear we won’t succeed, fear of rejection or being alone. Fear of change.
All of the thoughts that run through your head stir up a chaos of indecision. The thing is, there is no reality to these fears. They’re just distracting thoughts.
The thoughts come from the mind. Memories of past experiences where things were hard. And most likely they’re just words of fear echoed in your mind from friends, loved ones, and society.
Herein lies the problem.
When you try to make a decision with your mind, it’s a calculated process. You mentally weigh the factors, the pros and cons and try to come to a logical conclusion. To top it off, the pros and cons are weighted by the pains of your emotions, which creates a feeling of being stuck. Yet you know you have to do something different in order to get a different result.
This is the way I made decisions for years, weighing the pros and cons. I made some good choices and some bad, because those pros and cons don’t really tell the future.
I will tell you the single most important thing I learned in that spiritual community was how to make a decision.
This is what I do, and what I recommend.
When making a decision, think from your heart. Yeah, it sounds cliché, but this is what I mean. Whenever I have made a decision that is supported by my true desire and passion in life, I found a way around any obstacles that came up.
When you choose your heart’s desire, not based on fear or ego, but based on what truly inspires you, your excitement is contagious, not only for yourself, but to those around you. And you also have the foundation of energy to see you through the most difficult of times.
Your mind gets in the way of your heart, your passion.
It brings cloudy confusion, which rains upon your joy. If you are in this place and do not know where your heart’s desire is, then you have to find a way to clear the fog.
Nothing works better than being engaged in nature. Go for a walk or a jog. Do something that brings a sense of joy and well being to your life . And in that moment of joy, ask yourself, which decision would you make that would help you to feel this way in life. Try to feel the answer within your chest.
Then you are more likely to make a decision that you are committed to and excited about. The more committed you are to your decision, the greater your chance of success.
Think of a decision you need to make.
Take several deep breaths and relax. If you need some help, try this free breathing excercise…and remember to come back to this page for the rest.
Stay focused on your breath, and when you feel calm…
Ask yourself, “How will I feel about myself in 6 months (or 1 year or 10 years) if I make this choice?” Think about one decision and feel it, and then think of the other choice. The choice that feels the best to you is probably the choice that your soul is trying to guide you to.
This is actually the technique that I used when deciding to leave the monastery. And the results were just as I had imagined, even years later.
What are some of biggest decisions you’ve made in your life? How did you decide, and what was the result? Share with us in the comments below.